Own Best and Worst Critic

Second review of my teaching practicum today. Again overwhelmingly positive.

Something I've learned is that, most of the time, I'm my own worst critic. I'm a perfectionist, and, as I've developed a pretty darn good 'observing ego' (the ability to objectively observe my own 'state', and the 'live' activity-level of my ego), I've become not only a perfectionist in things I do, but also in how I am.

This skill (if you can call it that) can come in very handy in learning a skill like teaching, because it lets me quickly see my own mistakes, internal and external, and find ways to fix them - sometimes even in real-time. Sometimes this can trip me up though, if I realize I'm making a mistake, or realize/recognize my own nervousness while I'm still in front of the class the nervousness might only get worse as a result, but generally it's a very useful tool.

My supervisor, sent by the university every week to watch and critique one of my classes, has had nothing so far to say as far as what I should do to improve - everything he's said has been overwhelmingly positive - and he's said that at this point, and from now on, our conversations will be as teacher-to-teacher discussing the nuances of the art of teaching. I had my post-class review today with him in a common staff room, and another student-teacher also on her 5-week practicum was in there at the same time, as well as another regular teacher. After my supervisor left, they both turned to me and exclaimed at how they'd never heard such a positive review! Good =)

But the constant self-critic I am, I even tried to get him to give me more, or any, areas to work on, or criticisms. I have this idea in my head that I can't be as good as he's eluding to, and that little self-doubting voice in my head won't believe that he's not holding back some areas where i most definitely work on. I suppose, to, that I kind of want my 'money's worth' from my practicum, and my supervised lessons too. I want to be the best, most fluid and most comfortable teacher I can be - but I've found that I'm my own best and worst critic - which will both help and deter me from becoming that.

I suppose there's both negatives and positives to that, as there is with anything, and I'm sure it has affected me in ways in life I can't possibly measure.


(I've missed a few days worth of blog entries, I'll back-date a few to catch up on the long weekend)