Orgy of Green & "Post"

This post isn't about the political party. 'Orgy' and 'Elizabeth May' shouldn't ever been in the same thought... eesh ... but there, I think I just though it.

I Slept in today - beyond the likes of 11am. Nice. Went for a little drive just to get out of the house, and because I'm a habitual consumer, and because it was a gorgeous day. I got only to the end of my street before I realized it:The orgy of green that is late-April in my hometown is here: dandelions, plush vegetation, the whole bit - it's one of my favourite times of year, mostly because I used to come back here after a long winter at University in the far-far away. There was nothing better, then, than coming from a land of snow and brown grass to this 'orgy' of green.

A few blocks later, I contemplated another thought: When I write a blog entry, I "post" it. But - doesn't "post" mean 'AFTER'? This is where my lack of any real linguistic knowledge fails me. Calling the mail 'post' (eg: post-office) kind of makes sense: You write something, send it in the mail, and the receiver doesn't get it until LATER. eg: POST-when-you-wrote-or-sent-it. But then email came along, which turned things digital - and now it occurs to me - why not call it e-post? I actually like the term better than e-mail. But is it less accurate - IF: Post (after) and Post (mail) come from the same root, than email is less delayed, and therefore less 'post' as it's almost instantaneous. But now, full circle, we come to blog posting. The term is not so bad in itself, because I have to write then publish an entry before it can be read - but what about LIVE-posting, as in when someone posts in a stream live from an event? An oxymoron?

3/5, and settling in.

Made my first major mistake today in-practicum. I was late. Actually - I wasn't, I walked into the room about 30 seconds before the bell. Unfortunately, since the class at that time is a split one that I share with my mentor teacher, and we 'fight' over the front of the room, she had already begun her half of the class' lesson - I only needed about one minute to digitally distribute my students' quiz to them - but instead I (and they) had to wait 25 minutes. There went half my lesson.

Lesson learned: show up early. Easier said than done for a not-morning-person.

Honestly, though, if that's the biggest mistake I've made thus far things are going pretty darn well. And a bonus: I'm 3/5 done my practicum, and things are only getting easier. It didn't hurt that, of my two classes, one had almost entirely work periods this last week. Though somehow I still manage to procrastinate enough to limit myself less than 6 hours of sleep a night (and that's being generous).

The next few weeks should fly by. If only then time slowed down for my two weeks of long-overdue vacation.

The State of the Union (Jack)

So not too long ago our lovely Canadian federal government (you know, the one that supposedly runs the country), was found in contempt of parliament, and the government was broken up - time for yet another election. Yay. Said election is in four days: Monday

There are 5 Parties, and 5 leaders, in the national spotlight. I thought, here, I'd give my two cents on each. Let it be known that I'm still quite an undecided, and uneducated (about party politics) voter.

#1) Bloc Quebecois - Gilles Duceppe. I'm all for diversity - but this party, which the national TV/radio networks (generously) grant participation in national leader debates, doesn't even have a proper English version of their website. Even the conservative party does; so, apparently if you speak English, or any language other than Francais, the Bloc doesn't want your vote. ... ... Gilles started off his portion in the national party leaders debate by stating that Quebec shouldn't be a part of Canada. You know, maybe it's time that the National leaders debate only agree to include National Party Leaders. Be damned with invitation by representation in the House of Commons - this guy, and his party, isn't interested in the country - the Bloc is a separatist party. Someone should politely inform them that it's not 1994.

#2) Stephen Harper - Conservative Party. Let it be known that his party's website is the ugliest of all the parties. With that out of the way, I can't possibly vote for this party this election. Too many things have come out of the woodwork in the last 6 years about what the party has done, in terms of policy, funding, and inter-party politics that make me shake my head. I honestly try to take everything I hear with a grain of salt (whether the sources are far-right or far-left, or anywhere in between), but some of the things on the anti-Harper/anti-Conservative websites are really quite damming. Stephen Harper murdered a kitten with his bare hands? - Not quite, but he did fill his party's private room in the House of Commons entirely of large framed photographs of himself. Egomaniac?

#3) Michael Ignatieff ("Iggy") - Liberal Party. I honestly don't know a lot abut this guy - but what I've seen I've been pretty impressed with. Without a doubt the most qualified and educated candidate for Prime Minister (or, party leader with a hope of becoming Prime Minister) in this election. He seems honest, and a common theme in his speeches and answers during town hall meetings is his belief in democracy. That being said, he supposedly has the worst attendance record of any MP in the House - and that's a pretty damming statistic - one that I'd like to hear him justify. A lot of people also think he comes off "smug". That being said, his party has a good chance of getting my vote on Monday.

#4) Jack Layton - New Democratic Party. I have to say, this guy fills the role of angry/useless/self-serving oppositional party leader well. That being said, he's very, very dedicated to the country and working for the people. His party has the most diverse candidates, and he's rising every day in popularity. My God, recent polls even have him and the most favoured potential Prime Minister in this election. Never thought I'd see the day! .. That being said, I have a fairly legitimate concern that Jack's spending might get out of control. the NDP (both federally and provincially) knows how to spend money on Government programs - and that means either a larger national debt, or higher taxes. I have zero problem with higher taxes for corporations or the rich, but keep your hands off my 5% GST and my rebate cheques, Jack, and you might get my vote. Also of note: From what I've heard he's a pretty nice and approachable guy. A rather grungy-looking local amateur comedian I saw recently said that Jack happily shook his hand and took a photo with him at a local Starbucks. (whether he was telling the truth or not is undetermined).

#5) Elizabeth May - Green Party. This party really, really wants you to finally, finally elect them to a seat. With all due honesty, the green party has been given the shitty end of the stick over the past several elections - they've grown their brand (and funding) a lot - and their percentage of the popular vote has increasingly climbed - just, not enough in any one riding to actually have any of their MP Candidates elected. This time around they're really pushing for Elizabeth May herself to win her own riding. Money is no object for the first time in the party's history - and it seems like, at least within my social circle, May has a pretty darn good chance of winning her seat. My concern: She'll be a completely useless MP. As likely the only Green MP, what can she hope to accomplish? I see a lot of complaining and and angry arm-waving in her future as an MP- mostly surrounding how whoever's-government at the moment is completely ignoring the far-left/environmentalist demands surrounding the environment, which, quite honestly, would put a lot of government funding for human-related services in jeopardy. That being said, if she has the best chance of beating out the incumbent Conservative MP in her riding, she'll get my vote.

Going to Bed in the PM

Last night after the game I did something I hadn't done in a long, long time. I went to bed before midnight.

It's funny when you have a long running routine like that - you know, like sleep deprivation - little things you notice different when you finally break that routine. I remember back in the day, before even my first days at University, I had gotten into the habit of sleeping in until after or near noon; I wouldn't do anything productive regardless until the PM - but I remember the first day I broke that habit, I noticed something weird on my watch. --- It was the 'AM' symbol. I had literally, not for a long time at least, not seen that icon, because I hadn't put or relied on my watch before noon for so long.

Something happened to me last night - as I laid down to bed - I went to set my big, annoyingly-bright alarm to get up early the next morning. The little bell-shaped icon indicating that 'Alarm 1' was set had a new neighbour: the PM symbol, instead of the AM symbol, which is what I'd normally see when setting it before bed.

I did something risky today as well: The game last night, though I didn't play in it, was exhausting. After kicking friends out of the house to get lesson planning for the next day started and completed, I was zonked, and decided it would be better to get up early and be bright-eyed and bushy-tailed while writing my lesson and exercise.

It was pretty risky and stupid - I not only had to figure out what I was going to teach that day, but it was also going to be for one of the 5 classes I was going to be supervised on. Oh, and I also had to create a 40-minute exercise for students to complete after my direct instruction. I gave myself about 2 hours to do all that - and it took me 2 hours and 15 minutes.

In the end it all went well - the supervisor liked my lesson, my presentation of it, and the exercise I designed. I also felt great - giving myself an extra 2 hours of consciousness in the morning helped my state for the rest of the day. Not so draggy.

Nucks

The big game tonight, and mission: successful. The 'Nucks are through to the next round. Thanks, Burrows. =)

That is all.

Javascript

Today I have to bite the bullet and learn javascript. Be forewarned, this post is going to be majorly nerdy.

It's amazing how much I'm learning during practicum - especially since I don't get to decide broadly what I'm going to be teaching, and what I just happen to be teaching during my practicum is a lot of programming: not my strong points.

It doesn't help, or, being more positive, it doesn't hurt that you need to know something really really well in order to teach it. In June I resume my summer managerial role, and part of it is to create an entirely new website - these last few weeks of heavy learning and teaching are going to vastly help.

I'd even suggest, that if you want to know something really well, try teaching it to someone. You'll either fail miserably, or gain much from the experience and questions you'll face when the person you're teaching it to tries to fully understand it themselves.

Bath.

Not 30 minutes ago I stepped out of my first bath in over a decade. I've bathed, mind you, but haven't had an actual bath since I was little - maybe once when I was in Jr. High School, but at that point my parents' avocado-green, size-small, 1970's bathtub didn't cut it anymore. Parents just finished a reno of the main bathroom, including a heated floor and a new, bigger tub, and I thought I'd give it a whirl. ... Pun intended.

Bath: highly recommended.

I'm a big guy, so, even with the larger tub I could've used more room, but it was calming, and felt nice. Last summer - last late-August to be precise, I used a hot tub for the first time in several years, and fell in love with it. When I have a career, hopefully in teaching, and I bite the bullet and sign a mortgage on my own place, I'm getting a hot tub. They're simply the most relaxing thing possible to do before bed. Having a bath is a similar but somewhat distant second; relaxing and feels great, but you lose the outdoor aspect, the ability to share the experience with somewhat else, it cools off after 30 minutes, and it's cramped, but still the best thing I've done for myself all week. (=

Grocery Cashiers & Shit Wages

I've been a cashier at two major, large grocery store chains: a large national one (I'll call this one 'A'), and a more geographically-specific one that prides itself on good service (I'll call this one 'B'). The common denominator between the two: shit wages.

I was at Wal-Mart today for the first time in several weeks. Again managed to find myself in a lineup with a particularly and painfully slow cashier. I wasn't the only one who noticed, either: the couple who soon joined the line behind me started grumbling at how slowly the cashier was working. The guy made a comment about how if they were at 'B', the cashiers would be doing a better job, because they made more.

I couldn't help but pipe up with my two cents (I've made it a habit of talking with people in my lineups at Wal-Mart - it's a decent and often entertaining way to pass the painfully-slow time): I let him know that, in fact, despite popular opinion about the local grocery store chain about how they treat/pay their employees, they paid the exact same at-or-near-minimum-wage that Wal-Mart, too, likely paid their employees. I told him I knew this because I had been at cashier at 'B'.

The guy seems stunned that I had piped in. What I had suggested to him was outside-of-his-box. He retorted: "But, the employees there are so much more helpful, polite, and efficient ... cashiers will work harder if they get a $12 minimum wage rather than an $8 minimum wage." .. ugh, he didn't seem to get it: 'B' DOESN'T pay their employees more than minimum wage to start; I was held at the same wage for a full 1000 hours before being eligible for even a mere 50-cent raise (though I quit well before that 1000 hours), and the maximum salary I could have earned there was $11.25/hour. In other words: a shit wage, and definitely the exact same shit-wage as the starting cashier-wage at big, evil Wal-Mart. The only reason cashiers act better at 'B' is because of the overall better morale and atmosphere of the place, and the cooperative, social relationship between the front-end staff. Money hardly had anything to do with their increased production. Low-paid workers will perform better if companies engage in and enact team-building and morale-boosting activities and policies, and if the employees act like friends - or, better yet, if they really are friends, which was the case with many of the cashiers at my location of 'B'.

After I finally went through checkout, whilst walking to my car and driving home, I had another thought: no, raising the minimum wage significantly wouldn't help the morale or the work-speed of the cashiers of any store one bit. If the minimum wage went up, sure, low paid workers would rejoice - but for how long? A Month? 3 Months? Six? Pretty soon minimum-wage workers would again resent their employers for paying them the minimum they are allowed to- something I've begrudged many-o-time about my employers - with the exception of my current one, which doesn't have me do any cashiering - thankfully, and pays me more than twice my wage at 'B'.

If there was any monetary scheme that would make an employee more happy with their wage, and as a result would make them feel more enticed naturally to work harder, it would be to pay an employee, let's say in a service job, more than the minimum or standard - and more than just nominally more. My line-mate i had a conversation with today seemed to think that raising the minimum wage from $8 to $12 would boost morale and therefore the speed of checkout lines. Nay, but keeping the minimum wage the same and the employer proactively raising their starting wages to $12/hour would likely yield better results, even though money isn't really the key here at all.

Oh, and I wouldn't go back to 'A' or 'B', even if they did raise their starting wage to $12, or even much more.

TV: The Fat Box

So busy in the last couple of weeks that I completely missed some of my regular shows. I admit it, I like some of the 'higher end' reality TV shows: Survivor, and The Biggest Loser, and missed both this week. Didn't even realize it either (what, with 2.5 - 6 hours of sleep per night), until I checked the PVR. God bless you, PVR.

Last summer I didn't have cable, nor any antenna signal, for the 3 months I lived out of the parents' house. Didn't miss TV all all - not one bit. Granted, having a limited amount of diversion-time in front of the old fat-box is a good thing - but only if it's a show you really like and follow. It's funny how new technology - digital cable, which allows you to quickly see what's on in text-menu form - has completely eliminated channel-flipping, and I would wager has actually cut time out of the average person's daily TV-watching-hours. Good thing. Also a good thing: PVR's, which allow us to no longer be a slave to TV's scheduling, and commercials. Then again, BitTorrent has those benefits too. =)

Now, if only more people would turn off Dr.Oz and go for a daily 1-hour walk instead (which would almost certainly result in more long and short-term health benefits).

Week 2: Done

Again a positive review of my teaching: this time from the teacher who's classes I'm teaching. Completely positive. Neither of my pro-teacher observers have much criticism to give forth, and it's frustrating. I don't think I'm that good - really. I'm not trying to be vain - I just don't see myself as a successful 'adult-acting' teacher. But the more I talk with my supervisor/supervising teachers, the more I realize that maybe I'm just generally way too hard on myself professionally, an too hard on myself personally. I see so many flaws in myself - especially in the way I come off to other people - and maybe that's the truth, or maybe it's completely wrong, but more to the point, more than either point, is that it's probably more than anything a self-fulfilling prophecy. The more I think I'm less than I am - or, the more I think I'm crap (in any area in life) - the more likely it is I will be.

Some very over-arching life-lessons here. Thanks, practicum. 2/5 weeks = done. Long weekend. Sleeeeeeep.

Own Best and Worst Critic

Second review of my teaching practicum today. Again overwhelmingly positive.

Something I've learned is that, most of the time, I'm my own worst critic. I'm a perfectionist, and, as I've developed a pretty darn good 'observing ego' (the ability to objectively observe my own 'state', and the 'live' activity-level of my ego), I've become not only a perfectionist in things I do, but also in how I am.

This skill (if you can call it that) can come in very handy in learning a skill like teaching, because it lets me quickly see my own mistakes, internal and external, and find ways to fix them - sometimes even in real-time. Sometimes this can trip me up though, if I realize I'm making a mistake, or realize/recognize my own nervousness while I'm still in front of the class the nervousness might only get worse as a result, but generally it's a very useful tool.

My supervisor, sent by the university every week to watch and critique one of my classes, has had nothing so far to say as far as what I should do to improve - everything he's said has been overwhelmingly positive - and he's said that at this point, and from now on, our conversations will be as teacher-to-teacher discussing the nuances of the art of teaching. I had my post-class review today with him in a common staff room, and another student-teacher also on her 5-week practicum was in there at the same time, as well as another regular teacher. After my supervisor left, they both turned to me and exclaimed at how they'd never heard such a positive review! Good =)

But the constant self-critic I am, I even tried to get him to give me more, or any, areas to work on, or criticisms. I have this idea in my head that I can't be as good as he's eluding to, and that little self-doubting voice in my head won't believe that he's not holding back some areas where i most definitely work on. I suppose, to, that I kind of want my 'money's worth' from my practicum, and my supervised lessons too. I want to be the best, most fluid and most comfortable teacher I can be - but I've found that I'm my own best and worst critic - which will both help and deter me from becoming that.

I suppose there's both negatives and positives to that, as there is with anything, and I'm sure it has affected me in ways in life I can't possibly measure.


(I've missed a few days worth of blog entries, I'll back-date a few to catch up on the long weekend)

This Day in History.

It was this day in History that the Canucks dropped the ball. a 3-0 lead in the Quarter-finals against the Chicago BlackHawks, and they let the Hawks get on the board.

Since I'm writing this after the fact, I'll remind myself that the Nucks again dropped the ball two more times, allowing the Hawks to tie the series up 3-3 before finally winning the series in game 7 OT. Phew.

This is today's post

I admit it - I missed a few days. This is one of them.

I can only imagine that this missed post was due to a desire for human amount of sleep. Lesson planning 'til 4am tends to impede such leisure activities.

Oy.

Film What's Important.

Last night I walked out of a movie in a theater for the second time in my life: The Adjustment Bureau. (TAB, from now on)

Warning: this post contains movie spoilers - then again, I didn't see anything beyond the first hour or so.

What compelled me to walk out of the movie? For starters, I wasn't much in the mood for a second-movie-in-a-row (I had just watched 'Paul' 15 minutes earlier), and the movie was not only dis-interesting, the plot and dialogue became increasingly redundant after the first 40 minutes. If you don't know anything about the movie, to sum it up: Matt Damon (it's hard not to chuckle to myself after seeing Team America: World Police.. heh..) discovers that there's a group of men in trench coats who are watching, and supposedly controlling his thoughts and actions, ans keeping him 'steered' along the 'path' they have set out for him. The inciting incident:He meets the girl of his dreams (duh), and, of course, 'they' don't want them to be together. (no spoilers there, you'd get all that from the trailer).

Somewhat-Spoiler: These dudes in trench coats aren't really human (or are they?) - or, they have 'some' supernatural powers, which are negatively affected by water (Signs anyone?), and they apparently live a very long time. They keep records of everyone on the planet, and are constantly making plans for every person's life, and making 'adjustments' to peoples' 'paths' when they go astray. Oh, and they can also transform any door into a portal to any other door in the world. (this comes in handy in chase scenes).

I walked out not only because of my mood, and the fact that the movie was becoming preachy about the long-cliché plot about struggle about control over a protagonist's fate, and/or the nature of fate itself, but because the movie also wasn't shot very well.

Take cinematography and you'll learn certain conventions are used to tell a story visually: the rule of thirds, the 180-degree rule, rules for lighting and colour temperature, camera operation, cut-shots and pretty much everything you can imagine to do with a camera, lights, actors, and a film set.

But there's a overarching rule in narrative film: film what's important. If the most important thing in a part of a scene is emotions washing over a character, shoot a close-up of their face; it doesn't matter if the protagonist's belt matches his shoes if at that very moment he needs to make a difficult life-altering decision. If the scene's character enters or travels to a new destination, include a wide-shot to give the audience a better idea of where the person is, and how they fit into it. If someone picks up a small, important object off a table-top, and it's critical to the plot (see: the top in Inception), film a close-up of the object, and the character's hand reaching in to get it. It's principles like these that I even teach 9-year-olds when they're shooting short claymation movies in one of my camps, but apparently they're at a total loss to the director and/or cinematographer of TAB.

The whole idea that the men in trench coats having supernatural powers (being able to flick their hand to make a cup fall over across the room) wasn't clear, and the culprit was bad filming. In one scene, Matt Damon walks into and through his office building, only to completely miss that all the people he walks past are are completely still (frozen). But, again, the coverage was bad: If you're going to show that someone has been suspended in time, you'd better-well show a close-up of the person's inanimate face- to show lifelessness - but they didn't, and it wasn't clear. When the men in trench coats made a sudden move and something was caused to happen, they should have focused on the man's hand-action, and then cut to the effect on the distant object - but they didn't. UGH.

Maybe I'll watch it when later - when I can 'watch' it courtesy of TPB. Until then, not a big loss: I got free passes for the movie a few years ago for a birthday.

R.A.S.

At any given moment there are over 2 million 'bits' of information available to us in our surroundings for us to observe - visually, audibly, emotionally, socially, etc. Our brains, however, are only capable of taking in 134 bits/second, and most of the time it's the same 134 bits or so second-to-second, so, in essence, it's as if we're walking around with a paper bag over our heads with only a pea-sized hole to look out of; we're missing most of the information available to us, and as a result, what we or anybody can possibly know is incomplete.

I discovered this a couple of years ago, and it's something that's on my mind regularly - the R.A.S.: Reticular Activating System, a little part of the brain that acts like a filter for our senses so we don't get overloaded, and we can concentrate. Perhaps it's differences in this part that affects people with A.D.D. ... A while back I found the following video. The more you think about it, the more you realize how much the R.A.S. affects us in so many ways.

One-Fifth

This afternoon I finished the first one-fifth of my teaching practicum, and it's going pretty darn well.

Had my first of five official observations of one of my lessons done by my university-sent supervisor, and he had nothing but overwhelmingly positive comments about how I presented my lesson topics, my in-front-of-class presence, and my use of tactics: like wait time, and counting down from 3 to 1 before starting a lesson- something I didn't really even do consciously.

Despite having the shit kicked out of my sleep schedule because of the overwhelmingly large number of hours I spent late into the night planning my lessons, I'm tremendously encouraged. Turns out, managing a class of 28 grade 9/10's, even a group that size with 6 kids with ADD/ADHD (as is my case), is tough but manageable.

It's hard to believe there's only four more weeks of this before I get actual, tangible time off. I know that might sound presumptuous as I'm only one week in, but just in this first week, I've felt myself gain more confidence with every new day, and grow in my ability to conduct lessons, manage my classroom, as well as to not lose my train of thought or composure in front of my students.

Students generally like me, and as my supervisor told me this morning, they see me as a teacher with authority - something many student-teachers can falter on. Also, apparently I'm too hard on myself about my lessons. I tend to always find the nit-picky flaws in my presence or execution of a lesson. In other words, something I already knew: I'm a perfectionist. But the good thing is that, about teaching, I've gained the ability to live-critique, or live-observe myself most of the time: in real-time. There is a danger though that this consciousness of being able to 'observe myself' as I teach could turn into unhelpful or nervous self-consciousness, but thankfully I don't see that happening. Generally I'm much more comfortable in front of groups of young people than I am in front of groups of , or even one-on-one with, my peers.

Cold Feet.

This post isn't about being nervous. It's literally about cold feet.

Now, I have an awesome bed. Despite the 1"-thick memory foam topper I added to it in Sepember, and the annoying wrinkles the topper develops under my back after a few nights of sleep, my bed, complete with soft cotton sheets, is very, very comfortable. But my feet, and to a lesser extent the rest of my body, get surprisingly cold within a few minutes of settling in, making it frustratingly hard to fall asleep.

But I had a discovery last night.

I've always been a morning-shower type of guy. It just seems more right to spend your waking day at your cleanest, rather than waste that cleanliness on time spent being in bed. Plus, having a shower in the morning feels good.

On the other hand, I'm very much not a morning person, and I'll do just about anything for those extra 10 minutes of snoozing, on top of the usual 40 minutes of snoozing I do.

So there's a dilemma, and a few months ago a tried to switch it up (by switching to evening-showers), and it actually lasted a little while. School and late nights eventually got in the way, and I fell back into the morning-shower routine, especially as my hair got longer towards the end of the semester and I needed that shower to destroy bed-head.

Not-so-coincidentally, after I returned to my morning-shower routine, I started being cold at night again, but didn't make the connection. My realization last night: having a shower before you go to bed makes the comfort-factor of falling asleep increase about 10-fold. Having a shower before bed cleans you of sweat accumulated through the day, which I suppose is the primary culprit of being cold in bed, despite being cocooned under something like 6 blankets and a duvet. Being clean and freshly warm also makes the bed and sheets feel surprisingly softer.

Can you tell, thanks to my practicum-induced, sleep-deprived state, that I'm fantasizing about bed more than is perhaps normal, or sane?

Or, just be out of it.

Yesterday I alluded to, though lightly, some pretty heavy introspective self-development stuff.

Today I'm reminded of a post I wrote a month and one day ago, titled Blind Spots. Fuck going introspective; sometimes all you need is a little serious sleep deprivation: enough to make you so goal-focused that you filter out all the unnecessary noise - internal, and external - and get the shit done you need to get done.

Today was on the brink of one of those days: I was up 'til just after 5am last night learning and preparing lessons. I don't fall asleep easily either. This morning, despite having both my alarm clock and the alarm on my iPod Touch set to go off, neither were actually able to get out of bed. By some freak luck I woke up about 35 minutes later than I should have gotten up, with still just enough time to shave and get to my school with 5 minutes to spare before I had to start teaching. I was partially still I-should-still-be-in-bed loopy, and I could barely keep my eyes open - but maybe that wasn't a bad thing: I became very directed, and my morning lesson, albeit to 4 students, went pretty decently.

In other good news, I actually got this post off on time.

Mentor-Confidence

It's funny how, when you have someone looking up at you like a mentor, you're able to do your job better.

Running summer camps for several years, last year I got all the better starting at staff training in June, when I had a bunch of new-leaders-in-training, and students, looking up to me. My confidence went up, I became several-fold more extroverted and uninhibited, and felt great about the whole thing. The funny thing is, without those new instructors around, I went back down again; I wasn't the instructor I was when I had other newbie instructors watching me.

Maybe it's an ego thing - no, it is. But I'd also describe it as having 'situational confidence', through perceived self-value. When I feel like I have value in a situation, perhaps through a role, I feel better about myself, and everything just goes better. I obviously, then, for some reason feel I have more value when instructing other instructors, than when I just teach students/kids. Hrmmm...

I'm coming back into my own, though. Slowly. Today at practicum was better than yesterday, and I think it's going to continue to get better. Turns out I have to have mini-reviews every week by both my mentor teacher and my supervisor, who's coming in to observe two of my classes every week, starting tomorrow. One surprising, and slightly depressing thing: today my mentor teacher brought up my occasional stuttering. It's only infrequent, but I'm a little tiffed: at myself. I'd pretty much gotten rid of it as of a year or two ago, but it's returned. Damn.

Maybe the idea is not to rely on situational confidence brought on my seeing value in myself because of a role, but to see more value in myself just because.

First Day of Practicum

Really, Friday I taught two classes, but today was the first official day of practicum. Didn't go too badly either.

I have two very different groups: my Gr. 11 half-of-a-split-class only has 4 students, and teaching them is like talking to zombies. Doesn't help that 3/4 of them are ESL, and the other already knows the material. All Good kids though, can't complain. There's definitely a huge behavior difference between 9/10's, and 11/12's. Whoa. There's one who already knows the material really well: might talk to him, give a little assessment, and then decide whether or not to give him an independent study. The grade 9/10s are a different story altogether: they can't get enough of the spinny/rolly chairs, several have IEPs, several more (likely) have A.D.H.D.; they're all really good natured, though, even the ones that cause the most problems have good hearts - so I tend to go easy on them, but they tend to go a little crazy if given more than 4 minutes of independent time. Time to outline/establish some behavior management.

Fatties, Dorritos, and Text Messaging

So last week on American idol, at the beginning of the results show, Ryan Seacrest lamented to the TV audience. He said something to the effect: 'The competition is to tight this season, you, audience, and a *very, very* hard job deciding who must stay, and who must go'...

What a testament to our state of leisure! No, a hard job would be plowing an entire field manually so you and your family don't starve during the winter. Today, though, I suppose sitting on your couch with a bag or Dorritos, and being asked to text in a vote for a singing contestant, is asking a lot. Don't work too hard now, fatties. Myself included.

We have it good now, don't we? Gratitude is a powerful thing. My preference: not gratitude towards any god, but gratitude in and for life.

Lesson Planning

One thing that's transparent about teaching, until you're faced with it, is that fact that teachers do a lot of work behind the scenes planning their classes- more time than you might think: Thursday night I was up making my lesson plan and accompanying C++ mini-program until 2am. And that was only for one 65 minute lesson.

My goal for tomorrow is to get 3 days of lesson plans done for both of my classes. That's the goal: but there's more: I need to start thinking about assessment too - how I'm going to work things into my classes that are actually worth marks, and let me know, really, how well students are learning and keeping on top of what I'm teaching. The latter is called 'formative assessment' - which means, simply: assessment for the purpose of gauging student learning, to aid in future or continued teaching. I don't have any of that planned yet. GULP.

I also realized today that I forgot to talk to my mentor teacher what she expects me to teach in one of my two classes, the C++ one, starting Monday. I could make a pretty educated guess, but then again, my mentor teacher is pretty specific.

Spring: Off the Deep End.

Spring unofficially began today, with the fornication of bunnies and deer (not together, hopefully), and our first beach fire of the year. Driving around today, I must have seen over 10 deer, and about 3 or 4 white-tailed bunnies - one of which jumped out in front of me, then jumped out of the way just barely missing my car.

Other than the campfire and the resulting awesome smokey smell, today was my first (early) day of teaching highschool. Two Information Technology 9/10 classes in the afternoon; one of the two will be mine come Monday. I'll also be teaching a grade 11 class XHTML and CSS. For the last couple of days I'd been observing, I'd been a bit overwhelmed and shy in the class. Funny how jumping right into the deep end - eg: getting up in front of the class with no choice but to do my job - can immediately fix all that.

Of the two blocks she has of the 9/10 course, she gave me the least well behaved one. Joy. But it actually went well. My mentor teacher seemed to think my 9/10 class, the one I'll be adopting, would eat me alive. She even told me about one student who would probably need to be sent out to the hall to 'do the stairs' - but he never did. The 'kids' were fine - though not all exactly on-task. Can't really blame them: who wants to be inside programming C++ on the first sunny Friday afternoon of the semester? I sure didn't.. but it's my job, temporarily and unpaid (dammit), but still my job. Hell, I can't count the number of times I've spent an entire class this school year surfing the web or working on 3D instead of listening to the prof.

Luckily, as a highschool teacher, I can say "Monitors OFF!" :-)

Role.

I start teaching highschool tomorrow. The unit: C++ programming, with grade 9's and 10's. Oh boy.

The biggest thing I'm struggling with right now, relating to my practicum, is how to act. I find myself feeling very strongly that I need to behave in a way that classifies me as a 'teacher', rather than how I would normally behave. From what many sources have told me, it's better for a new teacher to act more stern than they think they need to at the beginning, in order to gain respect from students, and set a precedent for classroom behavior and conduct.

But I think it's messing me up. I'm retreating into my shell in an effort to act in a way that isn't normal for me. I suck at acting, and needing to act like a teacher and being able stand up to defiant grade 9/10/11/12's has made me think I need to abandon my normally fairly gentle/unthreatening/smiley/almost-subverviant behaviors of habit, and it's throwing me off.

I need to get acclimatized to this environment, and dealing with students in a way that says 'teacher' and not 'fun summer camp leader'.

Tomorrow will be a practice-quiz, Monday the exam ensues...

Practicum

Because two days off was far too long for this guy, I decided to start practicum early. And I still have an overdue assignment not handed in.

So the practicum officially begins Monday, but noone in their right mind would go in the morning-of without significant planning, or even without going in first. 3 days observation seems about right. I'm teaching two classes: programming 11 (which I'm starting an XHTML/CSS unit with), and IT 9/10 (which I'm teaching C++ programming). Even though I had been two the school before, and sat though two weeks of half-days with the teacher back in October, I was surprisingly nervous. My self-esteem has gone down in the past 6 months or so inexplicably, and more often I'm feeling the jitters - not exactly good timing for my teaching practicum.

It will improve, though. One thing about confidence is that it tends to go up when you realize you have value. Although ideally you'd recognize yourself as someone who inherently has value just for being, having situational value (as in the role of a teacher), and performing said role well, boosts one's situational confidence, and overall confidence temporarily.

... How does one make that permanent?

In other news, today was the first day of 2011 I drove with the window down. It's something I take notice of every year, and makes me feel good. Hopefully more blue skies are on the way.

Last day of ADHD-Camp

For the past 9 weeks Tuesdays afternoons haven't been the highlight of my week - after-school camp at a certain school, and the group, of only about 15, was just out of control, and made me doubt my own ability to do the job I'd been doing pretty decently for 5 years. The camp, consisting of entirely grade 3's, must have had about 5 or 6 kids with A.D.H.D.. They're easily spotted - they can't keep their attention on a single task for more than 30 seconds, and their almost comically inclined, as if they were a rag doll attached to strings, to spring upward and forward out of their chairs, as if those strings had been tugged on as soon as they saw something shiny across the room.

Simple put, even with 3 leaders, this camp was barely in control, and we didn't get nearly as much done with the group as we would have liked. not exactly a great warm-up to practicum, but at least it's over now. The group finished their last camp this afternoon, and I won't see that school again until at least a year from now. Thank God.

Fourth Day of the Fourth Month

It's April, and with it, a few days ago, came a new background image for my blog. Taken exactly two years ago at a beautiful secluded beach within driving distance, this photo is sadly the last edition to my 'Nalgene Art' collection - which, one day, will surely be continued.

When, you know, I have "free time" to use my DSLR.

I'm getting a bit depressed. This background photo was taken two years ago to the day - and it was a pretty decently sunny day. In fact, at this time of year two years ago it was already pretty well consistently t-shirt weather. Right now it's pouring with rain, and we've barely had more than a few hours of blue sky in any given week, let alone any temperatures above 10 degrees.

Boo-urns.

One More Nagging Little...

Remember yesterday how I said that, during a semester, even if you have a night (or a weekend) off to spend doing what-have-you, there's still an underlying, nagging voice in the back of your head and a weight on your shoulders, in the form of assignments, reminding you that you're not really free? Well, I still have it, and it's not going to be cured for 6 weeks. SIGH.

The week's not really off: 4 work shifts (yay money!), one last assignment due for the semester, 3 half-days of observation at my practicum school, a meeting with my practicum supervisor, and writing at least a week's worth of lesson plans for the two classes I'll be teaching. There is no end.

On the bright side, there is still contemplation of a long-overdue tropical vacation in late May. =)

Possibilities.

First day of real freedom from the semester, and I feel, as I always do at end-of-semester time, that the world is full of possibilities; The world is mine to do in it as I will!

.. aand then I sleep in 'til noon.

I can only imagine that this feeling is akin to the experience of getting out of prison: re-discovering freedom - freedom of time, and from responsibilities. The thing that's most weighting about school is that, during the semester, you're almost never really free. Even if you can spend a night out with your friends or a day at the beach or shopping or what-have-you, there's almost always that underlying, nagging voice in the back of your head and a weight on your shoulders of all the assignments you have due in the near future, and the resulting late-nighters-in-the-library you'll be spending.

Today, thankfully, that feeling was gone - sort of. Temporarily. Like this time last year, I don't get much of a break before madness starts again: 5-week practicum. After that, a sunny vacation is LONG overdue.

It's on days like this when thoughts like this come to mind: "Fuck it, I COULD just play Super Mario right now, couldn't I?!" ... that pretty much sums it up.

Laser Tag & Education

Went out with the cohortees to play laser tag, and then to the bar, to celebrate the end of our two semesters together as a group, and Jes' upcoming birthday.

It's been a wild ride - the post-degree education program. Not since my New Media program starting back in 2003 have I entered an inclusive, laid-out program with a group of like-focused individuals. This time was actually better than in 2003: mid-to-late-twenty-somethings are less cliquey than late-teen-early-twenty-somethings. By the second semester I found that by I could just walk up and join any group of my cohortees with immediate acceptance. It didn't matter who it was, it was like we were all friends.

Laser tag, too, was awesome. Hadn't done it since I was about 14, but not a lot has changed, LOL. The place hasn't been updated since likely it was first created, complete with outdated and underused coin-operated arcade games, checkerboard floors, black lights and spraypainted walls. OH, 1990's. Laser tag is ultimately a lot of fun, though - plus it's a good workout; we were all sweaty from running and ducking around after the first of two 15-minute matches. Definitely going to have to go back for my next birthday party. =)