Revelations

Had a revelation today. One of of those moments - usually in the form of several-hour-spans - that allows one to momentously see something from a new angle; to gain new insight about life; to dilate one's view to see things from a more objective, all-encompassing, "big picture" perspective. I've been having more of these in the last couple of years, which is a good sign. They're an indicator of growth, maturing, and that I'm slowly bettering myself as a person.

Big Boned

Today was not only my first day back to work, it was my first time to a chiropractor as an adult.

My chiropractor is hilarious; she talks about a mile a minute. But more to the point: My long-held suspicions have been confirmed. I am actually big-boned.

And going to the chiropractor was actually effective for the first time. I used to go with my mom when I was young - but for what reason I don't know. I was a kid, and wasn't particularly in any discomfort. This time around, I was, and wow, can't recommend it enough. Ten minutes and my right shoulder feels several-fold better. Going twice more in the next week and a half.

Last Day

It's my last day of freedom. I go back to work tomorrow. Sure, it's work-from-home, but the honeymoon sleep-in-til-noon phase is over. Back to the real world tomorrow.

Gratefulness

Had this at the back of my mind for the few days: Gratefulness. It's an emotion or sentiment most of us don't practice or access in ourselves enough. We have a lot to be really grateful for, but, for some reason many of us (myself very much included), tend to focus on the have-not. ugh.

Something I hardly think about anymore [see?!] is the fact that we used to have smoking in indoor public places, like restaurants and malls. It's been a long while since there hasn't been, so it's easy to take it for granted.. just like we take for granted a lot of things in life we could find ourselves grateful for that might help us find a better state of mind when we find ourselves filled with negativity.

I found a this good quote just a minute ago:

"Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?"

How true.

Cheering on your home team

The Canucks are on their way to the Stanley Cup finals. Hooray!

But I find it funny when I and my friends exclaim: "WE WON!"

.... sure, fans play a role in supporting a team, which psychologically helps the team players, not to mention the financial viability of the team (players pay for merchandise, game tickets, etc which allows the team to prosper in whatever city they're in), but really, WE didn't win, the players and coaching staff won. It comes off as quite egoic to take ownership of success when the achievement does not belong to us, doesn't it? I mean, it's win-win for players, team management, and fans when a team does well (not to mention a big win for pubs and other businesses that benefit from good team performance and an extended season), but let's not go overboard. Attaching oneself to a high-status team or individual is a way the ego strengthens itself. But to be a mature person, shouldn't one, if they label themselves as a 'fan' of a team, stay loyal to that team even when they lose or do poorly? Moreover, idolization (being a 'fan'), is, in my opinion, one of the greatest plagues of the last 15 years in popular culture. [see: twitter, american idol, etc]

Car

I've been a bad car-owner. Sure, I give my baby insurance, gas, and occasionally new windshield wipers - but maintenance I neglect. Turns out I owe my car well over $1000 in repairs and upkeep. New muffler, tires, wheels - oh yeah, and a new front passenger-side axle (at some point, likely during my accident, mine got busted and I've been driving on it ever since). That, plus a major tune-up, new rear brakes, and even more.

I actually feel pretty good about it, though. I feel like I owe it to my car; she's been good to me, and has yet to let me down. Yesterday had a new muffler installed, Saturday brings new tires and wheels.

College-Crack Basketball Slaves

Interesting new episode of South Park tonight.

Eric Cartman starts a lucrative 'Crack-Baby Basketball' League. He literally is making profit from the spectacle of tiny, ill infants fighting over (and pushing around) a ball of crack. The 'sport' is an instant internet sensation, and Cartman hires Kyle (a jew) to be his chief financial officer, and even gets a deal with EA sports for the video game rights.

Of course this is abhorred - and typical of Cartman. But then Cartman (or, the creators of South Park) make an interesting comparison: College athletes. The largest problem with Cartman's crack-baby basketball is he created the rule early on that the 'players' (babies) could not be paid. Of course, with the millions he was making off of them, should he not compensate the babies? Of course he should - but then again, shouldn't Colleges pay their athletes, especially when, in the US, sports teams are a driving force of income, and draw for enrollment, for the school?

It's an interesting point - students spend time and risk injury playing sports for an institution that heavily profits from them - and colleges and universities owe them nothing. Of course, many of the best athletes get full-rides based on their athletic achievement - but receiving this sort of compensation is not guaranteed. Cartman related this kind of work to Slavary; Hilarious.

Poop on the Path Less Traveled.

Walked around the mountain with Jordan on this beautiful day. Good workout - maybe only to show how out of shape I am. No problem walking around it, of course, but my muscles get stiff and cramp easily these days.

Something worth doing is taking the path less traveled if you're ever in the forest. Of course, if you're in a forest where you're sure you can't really get lost. J & I ended up taking a path that led to where neither of us are sure quite where, and then out on to a street we didn't (and don't) know the name of.

On the way, though, we found this:


We didn't bother looking inside.

Summer & Used Shows

The summer is quickly approaching and all my regular TV shows ended either last week or during this upcoming week. What ever will I do?

A few years ago, during work training in the big city, while staying at a hotel, a (former) coworker I didn't like much introduced me to the TV show LOST, and I was hooked. I spend the rest of the summer addicted to it - I 'acquired' the rest of the first season from him, and rented the remaining seasons en-mass. I watched over 3 seasons in a single summer. It was great diversion.

Since I'm moving to the big city in about a month, and will be away from my normal group of friends, and therefore may live somewhat of a more hermit lifestyle, I'm wondering if it might be worth it to invest in a back-dated ("used") TV show: start from the beginning (thanks, Interweb), and watch every episode.

The problem: what show? I'm a picky about my TV (and have cut down a lot in my TV-viewing in the past year), and nothing I've seen via my semi-TV-addicted parents has struck me as worth getting into. Then again, I'm willing to be pleasantly surprised.

Big City Food Poisoning

Woke up at 4:30am, and again at about 6:30am, with food poisoning symptoms. No fun.

The summer is ever-encroaching, and despite the weather turning cool and grey again today after several days in a row of blue sky and sun, it's coming time for me to find a place in the big city, where I'll be living for the entirety of July and August, plus the last week or so of June.

I've never lived in the big city, any big city, and I'm trepidatious - both excited and nervous - about it. I've never liked the look and feel of larger cities. They're too sprawling, and not as nice as my home town (in all the little ways details matter), and they have a lesser sense of community. I went to University in an even smaller city, and enjoyed that quite a bit, but the big city is also exciting: it seems like a place of infinite possibilities - so much to do and explore, plus I know a few people there already.

Why is it that, leading up to vacation, one can only find themselves desperately longing for it and imagining how wonderful it will be to be free of the agonizing, constant though-stream that causes so much stress in normal life, but when they finally are on vacation, they find themselves constantly looking past it.

Still working on being present.

The Canucks Lost. ... That's never good.

Having a hard time keeping to my eating regiment. Hockey + Friends + Lack of Will Power isn't conducive to that. Gained back 3 pounds, boo-urns.

Summer - nay, good spring weather has finally arrived; at least for the last few days. I washed my car, and have been wearing shorts. Life is good. The difference, really, between good Spring weather and Summer weather is this: in Spring, when walking outdoors, you get a chill when in shade, and you search for a sunny spot or path to walk. In Summer, the sun is hot, and you look for occasional shady patch to cool you off.

Time Off.

I'm way behind on my blogging. Apparently having all the free time in the world hasn't allowed me motivation to fill in the 5 or 6 missing days in here.

Isn't that a funny thing: "time off". I have so many aspirations, and often find myself saying, or, more often thinking: "if only I had more time!".. which is usually followed by a lengthy list of often noble, lofty goals of self-improving or generally 'contributing' activities. I've had an animation project in the works, and more recently on the to-do shelf, for several months now, and it's my goal to start working on it heavily Saturday. I don't have an excuse for not getting going on it earlier this week - my week hasn't consisted of much more than sleeping, eating, watching hockey, and playing donkey kong and mario kart, but somehow I haven't found the time to squeeze in a few hours of animating.

.. Of course, I'm saying this in jest. It's good to laugh at yourself once in a while to keep yourself in check, else you run the risk of taking yourself too seriously [see: Donald Trump]. Earlier this week I actually downloaded a program to start learning how to speak Japanese. Talk about lofty. I think I just did it because it's been one of those things I've always thought of: "IF ONLY I didn't waste so much time, I could have learned to speak another language fluently by now, or I could have learned to play the guitar, or, or, or... " and the list goes on. And I [finally] did my 2009 taxes and mailed them today. 2010 taxes next - tomorrow looks to be an exciting day!

Aren't we humans hilarious? Talk about the benefits of having a life of relative leisure, where we can let our mind drift over the plethora of self-improving and/or productive possibilities for our leisure time, only for many/most of us - or maybe just me - to sit around like a useless house cat when we/I get time off.

The "You're an Idiot" look

If there's something I've learned about myself in the last year, it's that I do better with Gr.9's and 10's than I do with Gr.3's. Especially Grade 3's at a certain local elementary school.

Today was the last day of my 5-week teaching practicum. It's over. I can't believe it. It was awesome, and unbelievably tiring. The good news: I'm in the right profession.

The last week or so of my practicum is when everything really came together. Over the last few weeks I'd lost almost all nervousness, and I could both successfully teach and control my Gr.9 class, a group that my teacher had described at the outset of my practicum as 'the wildest group she'd had in her room in years'. I had a little running joke during the last couple of weeks: I have a "you're an idiot" look - and it works like a charm. Some kids get it, and are well suited to it, more than others. It makes me chuckle every time I use it. Hey, anything that keeps you sane!

It's nice that Fridays are short days in high schools. It was equally nice that it was one of the first sunny/shorts days of the year. My last day was rather easy: gave both my classes quizzes, and did no more than five or seven minutes of real teaching in either block. The only real work was leaving my mentor teacher all the information she needed to re-take-over her classes on Monday, plus marks for the plethora of assignments I marked over the last few days. After school I rushed home, switched into shorts, grabbed some shades, and took off in search fora liquor store and anywhere they sell wings. These next two weeks are both well deserved and going to be sweet.

Is it a bad omen that last day of practicum is Friday the 13th?

Cooling Off.

Yesterday (and today), I got pretty heated about the results of my indigenous studies class, in which I got a much lower mark than I deserved, and it caught me off guard. As my last post stated at the end, I got a response from Carmen, and it wasn't good. She's not going to change my mark. !#&*$%!!

What I want to write Carmen and say would likely no end well. I would likely get academic suspension for the things I could say to her. I want to write her a scathing email, and make it public - and let her know that I'm sending it to everyone else in the cohort. .. I talked to my mentor teacher and a few of my cohortees, and they strongly advised me against doing so.

I'm going to write Carmen back, and it's going to be sweet, but I also need to make sure it's diplomatic and rational, while still undercutting her utter lack of pedagogical forethought on the assignment in question. I'm going to need to take a few days to Cool Off...

An Open Letter to Carmen, my Indigenous Studies Prof.

Hi Carmen,

How were the in-class responses marked? By completion or otherwise? If I got 15%, were they worth 5% each assuming you received 3 - or did I cumulatively lose 25% of their possible marks across the 4 I submitted (15/20)?

I emailed all four of my submissions rather than writing them by hand - I prefer to write this way. I'm wondering, if because I sent them always by email, that perhaps one got lost in transit or otherwise? I emailed you in-class responses on: January 18th (Response to Father), January 28th (Makah Whale Hunt), Feb 15th (60's scoop), and March 18 (Resistance).


Moreover, I'm greatly troubled by the mark I received for my final project. Having spoken to other students in the class, and having reviewed the assignment description in the course outline, I feel that consideration was not taken into my experience of making my project, and the effort, heart, and thought that went into it. The project description described the reflection project as "brief assignment (5-7 pages)". You also stated many times in the semester that it was our option to, rather than a paper, create an artistic project. Given the "highly experiential nature" of the course, I took the opportunity I had to create something other than a paper for the final project an rolled with it; I was going to, and did, create something that I would actually look back upon for years after the semester was over. Even though I was tremendously busy at the end of the semester, I spent over 30 hours in the final few weeks of the semester to make a piece of art I was, and am, truly proud of. I posted the project on Facebook and YouTube for other members of the class (my cohort) to see, and many couldn't believe I had put in so much effort on the one class project.

One of the early renaissance artists once described carving a sculpture as 'just taking away all the bits that aren't your sculpture'. I found this sentiment to be true also with my animation project for your class. In planning the project, I reflected on my experience through the semester - our course readings, discussions, circle meetings, and presentations. I had so many ideas and started brainstorming weeks ahead of any production began - I even started making some 3D models and planning for scenes in the animation that were never completed and didn't make the final cut. Making this piece of art was a true reflection, and clearly depicted my mood at the time of reflection and at the end of the semester, and the topics, and objects that stood out to me. One doesn't create a 3-minute-45 second 3D animation without taking a great deal of time to reflect and ruminate about all the possible topics and avenues that one can draw
upon to create it.

I come back to the assignment description: "brief assignment (5-7 pages)". I have talked to other people in the class, and the other section of the class now, and from what I have gathered, I was assigned the lowest mark out of all the people I have heard back from. Considering the amount of genuine effort and heart I put into this assignment, even given the description in the outline, I'm quite mortified to have my work deemed among the lowest in your classes.

When I normally write a paper, it takes me approximately 1 hour per page- all things considered. Therefore, a written reflection would have taken me no more than 5-9 hours. In fact, from those I spoke to and was around at the end of the semester, most didn't spend a great amount time on their reflections. I spent over *30 hours* on the assignment as submitted. While it was expressed that students would need to justify pieces of art created for the assignment should they choose to create one, I feel that I was given little clarity to what you expected - especially regarding length. If the total expected output was 5-7 pages for the project as a whole, and a student spends many more hours on a project, if you too also require a several-page justification of their art, doesn't that deem the art piece, and the time spend on it, negligible and nominal in value in terms of marking?

I submitted a 1-page justification; while it did not in any way do my project, or my experience creating it, justice, I feel that writing more would have been over-bearing and an unfair expectation considering the expectation for the entire assignment. If one was to create an artistic project, in the experiential nature of the course, and as a means of differentiated assessment, I believe their work ought to not be overshadowed (and more than doubled), by the requirement, too, to write a similar-in-length written justification of the piece of art.


For these reasons, I am requesting a re-evaluation of my reflection
assignment and my final grade in your class.

Sincerely,
Colin

UPDATE: I just got a response to this from Carmen. I'll post it tomorrow.

Not Since '94

Tonight the Canucks did something that they haven't done since this time in 1994: made the Western Conference Finals.

Good job, boys.

My New Internet Crush.

In principle, crushes are a really bad idea. They're comprised mostly of feelings, which you keep secret, that you know the other person doesn't share. This leads to a lot of false, imaginary narratives happening between you and your crush that don't exist in real life - only in your head. This can only lead to disastrous affects in your real-life interactions with the person, unless, by some small, almost-impossible miracle, the person you have a crush on also has a crush on you.

This almost never happens.

In my case, my new crush is over the internet, and I'll never meet her in all likeliness, so I'm taking complete liberty in my fantasies and false-narratives.

Meet Sexy Nerd Girl, a promising and up-and-coming YouTuber, who, despite being suggested on my YouTube homepage, only has a few thousand views per videos (I have two videos with 16,000+ and 44,000+ views), of which she has about 50. Her channel: http://www.youtube.com/user/sexynerdgirlcom

Self Reflection via Shit Grade.

A new and good friend of mine last summer gave me some valuable feedback about myself: often I reach too far to be accommodating. This is linked to having an inability to freely speak my mind. I'm an over-calibrator: I'm always gauging how my actions and words ought to be shaped in order to fit the situation I'm in or the people I'm with. Unfortunately, this also means I'm not a very 'fixed' or 'congruent' person: I change even myself to meet or match the expectations, or the norm, of the situation or others.

I'm often amazed by, and look up to, people who can just 'be themselves' no matter the situation. These people "cut the crap", as it were - they're focused so much on being who they always are (or, they're too busy being present AS who they are) that they couldn't even be bothered to "calibrate" to any situation they're in - in fact, they probably have far more 'blind spots' than people like me who are constantly observing and calibrating. These people are authentic, and people look up to them because they never break form; they never deviate from their identity - doing so would reveal a weak identity - one that's malleable to the will or persuasion of others or a situation. My mentor teacher of my current teaching practicum is one such person who 'cuts the crap', and it's one of the longest-lasting impressions and life-lessons I'll take away from this five weeks.

Early in my practicum the school's principal came into my class and had some bad news for my mentor teacher (something he was arranging for next year), that she didn't agree with. Being the person she is, she wasn't even going to take crap from her boss, and there was no flinching in her voice when she told him, the principal, 'what was what'. Assertiveness: there's a goal to aim for.

Why does all this come to mind? I just got back bad news about a mark I was assigned in a class from last semester. I genuinely believe I was handed the shitty end of the stick (in the form of a poorly decided upon mark) on a major term project mark, a project I was very proud of, yet I got likely the, or one of the, lowest marks in the class. More than in recent memory this situation has provided me with a 'signpost' to a part of me I rarely access - a firm, decided, and unbending version of me - one that firmly seeing this professor in the wrong - and I like it. I would even argue that the low grade she assigned me was worth this experience - I'm good at taking the best out of a bad situation - but I hardly think my prof who handed me this poor (and unsatisfactorily-determined) mark had my benefit or this priceless moment of self-realization in mind. (Ha!) ..

One Week.

Finished my 4th of 5 weeks of practicum.

Today I got some redemption with my 9/10 class: Yesterday I didn't do too well explaining the lesson's material, and I had a room full of confused students. I even had a student say "This isn't being explained well!".. OUCH. Today was a different story. I felt professional, and was determined. I didn't even need or make a lesson plan - and as a result I even got a human amount of sleep! .. I taught the crap out of my 2nd lesson on yesterday's class, and it was a complete success. The same student who had most vocally complained the day before actually approached me late in today's lesson and told me how much better he understood the material after today's lesson.

Happy Feelings :)

"I don't understand this!"

It's Cinco de Mayo, but it wasn't all boozing it up and celebrations. Today I probably had my most frustrating lesson - for my students.

I learned my lesson in 'small-chunking' information. My 9/10s started a new unit only this last Tuesday, and I"m throwing a lot of information at them. Today it reached its peak - I started getting a lot of "I don't understand this at all" , and even worse: "I don't think this is being explained very well." .. EESH, those are words you don't want to hear during your teaching practicum.

But, you know, (and I'm reminding myself of this from my own memory), all teachers - especially of complicated application-based subjects (like math) - hear those words a lot. It can be a dagger through the heart. One can't help but think: "I'm doing a bad job at my job", and it sucks.

It can be taken in any direction - the worst: becoming upset. Being upset is never pragmatic. Though, you wouldn't care when you're upset. No - students are not always going to understand the information you're teaching right away. Sometimes you will make mistakes like I did today by throwing too much new information out at the students at once. But that's OK. the high school schedule is flexible enough for teachers to go back and re-teach. Teachers do it all the time. Teaching is a learning experience for both the students and the teacher.

May The 4th Be With You.

.. worst blog post title EVER.


that is all.

Test, Unit, Lesson x2.

Monday I gave my 9/10 students their final test in the unit I taught them almost in its entirety from the beginning of my practicum. Today was the start of a new unit, and I'm lucky - it's a subject I know like the back of my hand. Not only because I already knew the material coming into my practicum, but I also taught it to my grade 11s in more detail a few weeks prior. For me, this means less time learning and lesson planning. Score.

Yesterday I also took the opportunity to teach the same lesson twice. Being the start of a brand new unit with both my group of 9/10s and my mentor teacher's group of 9/10s in another block, I volunteered to teacher her block before mine to gain the experience of teaching the exact same material twice in a row - for benefit of my own experience and reflection. How would I grow from one lesson to the next? Would I be more fluid in my second 'run' at the lesson? .. turns out, that's 50/50. t the start of my practicum weeks ago I taught the same class twice in a row - and the second class went all the better - I was more fluid, I explained things better, and got the class through the material faster. This time around: not so. I was less smooth the second time around, and found myself stumbling over my own words more. I was still faster, though. Interesting. I thought the twice-consecutive-lessons would be to my benefit not only for my own education, but also for my observation - I was being evaluated by my university observer for the second lesson. It didn't go as well as the first less, but I still got positive feedback. all is good =).

Election Day.

I voted, and as I walked to my polling location, I felt an odd sensation of patriotism and civic-duty wash over me. Surprising, since I barely pay attention to, and mostly despise, politics as a rule.

Voting is one of those things that brings community together. The more things people in a community have in common and do together, the more sense of community there is. Walking to my polling station (which is only 3 blocks from my house), lots of other people were walking to/from the same place with the same intentions - many with their voter cards visibly in-hand like me - it made me feel closer to them, and my neighbours (only a select few I even know the names of) in general.

As for who I voted for: I actually voted for the candidate who eventually won in my riding. Success! I've voted at least twice before, and neither time did the person I vote for become elected to office. I can't help but feel, in cases like that, that me voting was a complete waste of time. Then again, supposedly the candidate who I did vote for and won this time won by over a thousand votes - it wouldn't have mattered if I had voted or not anyways.

Sunday.

I'm about to embark on my 4th week of teaching highschool, and it's getting easier.

The big day - election day is tomorrow. The other day I got a call from a volunteer from the Liberal party of Canada, wondering if they could count on my vote for my local Liberal representative. At the time I had no idea who would get my vote: Liberal/NDP/Green. It was a toss-up. I'm getting closer to having my mind made up. It might come down to the time I'm sequestered in the ballot-cubicle. Tomorrow shall see.